The Writers
by avelociraptor
Summary: The universes are colliding, and the angels are to blame. Many of the characters from our universe's TV shows and books come to this universe by accident, and when they find out their entire lives were dictated by a couple cruel writers, they are not happy. Shows include Supernatural, Doctor Who, Firefly, Sherlock, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and Once Upon a Time. WIP
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor was at the console of his TARDIS, frantically pushing buttons and pulling levers, trying to get her back on course. He was falling through space, and for the first time in a while he had absolutely no idea where he was or what was happening. The scanner went wild as they ripped through the fabric of universe after universe. Every one the TARDIS passed through imploded upon itself until they finally landed with a crash. He opened the door cautiously after picking himself up off the ground and looked around to see a city that looked exactly like London. He stepped outside but paused when he noticed a group of teenagers staring at him in disbelief. One stepped forward. She had a TARDIS on her shirt and held a sonic screwdriver in her hand. Where was he? The tension broke as she ran forward and squealed. She sounded like a dying hippo, but she was smiling at him.

He wasn't prepared for the hug that followed. All the air rushed out of him as she wrapped her arms around his chest. While he was being strangled, the rest of the crowd streamed into the TARDIS.

"What—wait! What…What are you doing? Get out of my TARDIS!"

But he couldn't be heard over the excited giggles and shouts of "He's real!" and "It's bigger on the inside!"

When he finally managed to shoo them all out of the console room a large crowd had gathered, and to his surprise, many of them were crying. He just stood staring at them until one man stumbled out of the crowd, mouth hanging open in disbelief. "WHAT?!" They shouted at each other simultaneously. After several minutes of looking at the Doctor, the other man circled around him. "But you're me!"

A child spoke up from the mob behind them. "No he's not. He's the real Doctor and you're the pretend one."

"Real Doctor?" the other man exclaimed incredulously. "There is no real Doctor; he's fictional."

Ohh…this was interesting. Very interesting indeed. He needed to find out more about this universe away from all these people. He backed inside the TARDIS and slammed the door behind him, intending to run several scans on this version of Earth. As he was preparing the first test, a voice spoke from the other side of the console. "Hello, Doctor."

* * *

He stood there staring at the woman before him in utter confusion. This wasn't possible. She did not exist. She was fictional. He knew because he loved watching Sherlock, but there she was. The Woman.

"You….but you're—" he spluttered. "Oh. You're her, aren't you? Not the actress, the character. But how did you get here? Oh my, well this is new. Something's gone wrong; people are crossing universes."

"So that's what's going on," said a rough voice behind him. "Dean," he continued, extending a hand. "Dean Winchester. And I have to say, I've seen a lot of strange things, but this? This is the strangest. We think it was the angels."

"Angels? There are angels, and they can tear holes through time and space?"

"They can do a lot of things."

"Great. I'm somewhere I don't want to be. Again. And you're the Doctor. I hate you." A robot sat in the jump seat, frowning.

"Marvin?" asked the Doctor.

"Unfortunately," responded the android despondently.

"What are these angels you're talking about?" An African American woman was standing by the console, a hand on the gun at her hip.

"Why are you all in my TARDIS? Where are you coming from?"

"I walked through the doors," the woman answered with unnecessary sass, rolling her eyes as she spoke. "And the name's Zoe, since you didn't ask."

From outside there came the screams of fangirls and a great pounding on the door of the TARDIS. They were chanting "Exterminate" and on the cameras, the group of people inside the TARDIS could see a Dalek repeatedly smashing into the door.

"Look," Dean began. "I don't know who you are or where we are or why we're here, but I know it was the angels who did this, and only they can help us."

"I'm not sure who these angels are," said Zoe, "but it doesn't seem like they would help us."

"That's why we have to find Cas. We'll start when my brother gets back with my pie. For now, you each need to tell me exactly how you got here."

"And who put you in charge?" a male figure was slumped against the wall. No one had noticed him until he spoke.

"I know the most about this," said Dean with an arrogant smile. "We'll start with you then. How did you get here?"

The man smirked. "A bean."

"Ok. A bean. Next!" the Doctor tried to regain power since it _was_ his ship, but it was pointless. The group ignored him and continued to tell their stories.

"I fell through the Rift," Marvin complained. "Not that anyone cares."

"I was in my ship and we crashed here. I got split up from my crew and found you're box," Zoe explained.

"We got zapped here by the friggen' angels!" Dean growled. "And I think that's what caused all of your experiences. I don't know what went wrong, but somehow they screwed up the universe."

"Why would angels do that?" asked Zoe.

"Oh, they're not the winged cherubs you see in storybooks, Sweetheart. They're more powerful than demons and even bigger dicks."

"Where's Irene?" said the Doctor, a note of worry in his voice. He closed his eyes and listened for her mind, and when he found it, he grew even more apprehensive. Still, he had to go and get her. It was better to face whatever she had in store for him than leave her there on her own.

* * *

As he approached his bedroom, the door opened by itself. "So you're in on this too, are you?" The TARDIS hummed in agreement. She liked the Woman. "Very well. Irene?" No reply. "Irene, are you in here?" he stepped into the room to see the woman in question sitting on his bed. Naked. The door slammed shut behind him and the lock he didn't know it had clicked home.

"Hello, Doctor. Are you ready to beg?"

He grabbed the knob and shook the door violently, but the TARDIS was being stubborn. Back in the console room, Sam had finally arrived, but he'd gotten cake instead of pie and an argument had arisen. Marvin stopped the impending fight by grabbing Zoe's gun and shooting the cake. He hated cake due to the fact that he was an android and didn't need food for nourishment. A general complaining arose from this, but no one really cared. They didn't like cake either; they were all craving jelly babies.

"Where the hell is the Doctor?" Dean muttered. "Damn it. Sam, watch these idiots while I go get the Doctor."

* * *

He swung open the door the Doctor had gone through to see a very unclothed Irene pressing a rather flustered Doctor up against the wall. Irene turned, a seductive smile on her face, and sauntered past him to find her clothes. He grinned after her, then headed back to the console room, followed by the Doctor.

On the way to the console room, they stopped by the kitchen to pick up some jelly babies and pie. They would have gotten some tea and bacon too, but they were interrupted by a loud crash. After sprinting to the console room they found the door in pieces on the floor. "What happened here!" the Doctor shouted, enraged by the damage to his precious ship. And then he saw the mob converging upon the entryway. He thought about how they shouldn't have gotten through his indestructible doors, but then the crowd rushed toward them, knocking the Doctor onto the ground, and he thought no more.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey what's that blue box?" Wash asked, pointing in the distance.

"Guess we'd better go find out," Mal replied.

Jayne scowled. "I ain't goin' anywhere near that ruttin' thing."

Mal walked over to him, a stern look on his face. "You'll do what I tell you to do."

"Um…Mal," Simon said, tapping his captain on the shoulder. "我的妹妹…" Mal's eyes followed where the doctor's finger was pointing. River had sprinted toward the box and a crowd of teenagers was beginning to surround her. They were all standing around a tall man with messy brown hair, some of them crying slightly. Simon ran over to them. "What's wrong?"

"It's the Doctor," River said. "He's strong and brave and wonderful and everyone wants to fly with him, but they always leave and he gets so, so sad, and he never lets anyone see it but it's there and every so often it explodes. And then he's the Time Lord Victorious and it's over and they're all dead. I'm so sorry, Doctor. We wish we could stop it but we can't. It's fixed. It has to happen." The crowd around her starting lamenting again while the brown-haired man looked on, bemused.

"What the hell's up with them?" Jayne came up behind Simon and together they watched the hysterical crowd.

"Something to do with a doctor. I'm not quite sure; I can't get much out of them."

"Well they better hurry it up. I don't like this planet."

"Me neither. River! River, we're leaving! Come on!" River looked up at him and slowly walked in his direction. The brown-haired man—the Doctor?—finally broke from his trance and moved forward to comfort the crowd.

* * *

Just as they were about to leave, Zoe came rushing out of the box.

"Zoe!" shouted Wash, running forward to embrace his wife.

More people began flowing out of the box: a mischievous-looking woman, an attractive man and a taller one who might be his brother, a man who was missing a hand, and trailing behind them, a rather unhappy-looking robot.

The Doctor was talking to a man who looked exactly like him and they were discussing how they got to this world. "In this universe, you're all characters in television shows. I'm the actor who plays you. Well, you're all shows except Marvin. He's a book."

"Damn it," snapped Dean, who was also listening. "Friggen angels zapped us back into this god damned universe."

"You've been here before?" Inquired the Doctor, turning to face the other man.

"Yeah, last time Cas had to save us, so I guess we'll just have to wait for him to find us. Pray to him; it'll help."

"Dear Cas, get me off this planet before my metal organs explode. I hate the Earth and I hate these people. Love, Marvin."

"Yeah, help us, Cas. I've got people to kill." Hook spoke for the first time since he had sat in the TARDIS.

"I wouldn't mind staying here, actually. The Doctor and I have some unfinished business to attend to." Irene eyed the Doctor with a suggestive look in her eye. The Doctor, after some hesitation, gave a small smile in return.

* * *

The mention of Cas had raised excited murmurs from the crowd of fans, and the exchange between the Doctor and Irene hadn't gone unnoticed either and was beginning to elicit whispers of "I ship it" and "OTP." Meanwhile, the rest of Serenity's crew had reached the TARDIS.

Mal stepped forward and took the lead as usual. "I heard something about…angels?"

"Angels," whispered River. "They…they're coming. They're near. We can't fight them."

An old man stepped forward from the crowd. "I know the FanFiction that brought you here. I know what happens to you next. And I'm sorry." He leaps forward and stabs River in the heart.

* * *

**Sorry for the cliffhanger. We'll post the next chapter as soon as we stop arguing about it.**


	3. Chapter 3

River woke up on a couch. The only thing she could remember was a flash of metal followed by blinding pain. She lay there, struggling to bring the memories to the surface of her mind. Right. She had been stabbed by the crazy man next to the blue box. Was it a dream? She stood up and looked around, frowning. She was in her living room, a place she hadn't been in a long time, and there was a Christmas tree in the corner. Simon and her parents sat under it, beckoning her over to open presents, but something was wrong; Simon was only a kid. Before she could even begin to wonder what had happened, their radio turned itself on and a deep voice spoke to her through the static.

"Castiel?" she asked.

"How did…" the voice answered. "River, these are memories. You're dying…need to…worst memory…get out." The static grew louder and she could only make out a few words. "Your Reaper…cross you over. Each door leads…memory. When you…worst memory…open a door…have to go…can't…too weak." The voice faded away and the radio shut itself off.

River had understood enough to know she had to leave the cozy scene. She opened the door and the first thing she saw was stars.

* * *

Back on Earth, the crew of Serenity was crowded around River's lifeless body. Everyone else stood awkwardly watching them until Inara stood up and started speaking. "We need a plan of action. I would like to know how much these people know about us and how we got here. Then we can work on getting back."

"Oh, I have a plan for you." Irene looked at Inara with lust-filled eyes. Without looking at the Doctor, she correctly guessed at his crestfallen expression. "Don't worry, Doctor. I still have room for you." The Doctor brightened up at the thought of his painful fate. "I saw some terrible knives in the kitchen that were just _screaming_ your name."

Inara was disgusted and a little afraid of the looked Irene was sending her way. "No offense, but I think I'm a bit out of your league. My services are…very costly."

"Well you've come to the right Woman. So are mine. Come, Doctor." The Doctor followed her into the TARDIS, leaving everyone staring at Inara.

* * *

"我的妹妹…" Simon was whispering, holding his sister's body.

"We need a doctor!" Mal shouted.

A man rushed out of the crowd toward them. "你是医生吗？" Mal asked, and then saw the man's uncomprehending expression and repeated the question in English. "Are you a doctor?" The man nodded.

"She's still alive," he announced after checking River's pulse, "but she's lost a lot of blood. We need to get her to a hospital." Someone from the crowd announced that they had already called an ambulance.

Jayne pushed through the crowd to rejoin the crew. He'd run off after the man who stabbed River. "I couldn't find him nowhere, Cap'n."

"We'll get him later," Mal replied. "For now, the girl's our first priority."

"Are we really gonna waste all our gorram time on her? Crazy freak ain't caused us nothin' but trouble anyhow."

"Well as long as she's on my crew that girl is not going to die. "懂吗？

"Cap'n," whispered Kaylee. "She gon' be okay."

"Course she is," he said with more confidence than he felt, placing a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. They lapsed into silence, the Shepard's quiet prayers the only sound. The wailing of an ambulance sounded in the distance as River's only hope for survival drew closer.

* * *

The Doctor blinked. He felt like he was coming out of a trance and couldn't remember the last six minutes at all. Looking around, he discovered that he was in the TARDIS lying on a bed he didn't recognize. And he was naked, too, which was new. That didn't happen very often, and it only ever occurred when he was alone. However, he was decidedly not alone this time. Irene Adler stood at the foot of the bed brandishing a Clomish four-tailed whip. What was he missing?

Oh. The events of the past few hours reentered his memory, causing his current situation to make slightly more sense. But he still didn't remember how he got here. "Irene," he said, worrying about the teenage girl who'd been stabbed six minutes ago outside his TARDIS.

Irene looked at him, her malicious expression morphing into one of surprise as she took in what was happening and then changing back to cruelty when she thought about it. "I don't know how we got here, but I think I rather like it."

The Doctor struggled against the ropes that tied him to the bed. "No, Irene…Irene, I have to…there's a child. Outside the TARDIS. She was bleeding and might be dead by now. I promise we can do this, whatever this is, later, but right now I _have _to go. Please."

* * *

"What are you doing!" An angry voice barked from behind me. Shit. Uriel was back. "Give me that!" He snatched the paper from my typewriter, his face growing harder as his eyes scanned my writing.

"I…I was just…" I stumbled over my words in a hopeless attempt to explain myself.

"He wasn't supposed to know. He was supposed to be distracted by Irene."

I glanced at my friend, hoping she had come up with an excuse, but she looked as terrified as I felt.

"Is there a problem here, brother?" Damn it. I hadn't counted on Balthazar being back.

"They were writing people back in character again."

"Ah. I thought we explained to them that writing in character will give our dear friends control over their own story, and we can't have that, now can we?"

"Of course not," I mumbled.

"What was the plan, girls?" asked Uriel with an unsettling smile.

"Keep the Doctor distracted with Irene," we recited. "Send Dean and Sam on a hunt for Cas so you can ambush him, and have Gus take care of the others. Follow orders exactly and ask no questions." The angels nodded in approval.

"Would you like me to remain and monitor them?" inquired Balthazar.

My heart skipped a beat at Uriel's response. "No I think I'll just give them a little extra encouragement to ensure they don't disobey again, and then leave them to write."


End file.
